Confessions of a Homeschool Masochist

This is our third year homeschooling, and I'm beginning to notice a trend with me.  Around this time of year, I start reading over my various homeschooling manuals, curriculum catalogs, and other such material in my library, with the panicky feeling that I have made several grievous errors in selection and judgment and everything, and that I am indeed ruining my children.  Just as I suspected.

I wonder if I am alone in this.

Part of my problem is that there are just too many choices available.  If I only had, say, three options, I might feel more comfortable with my decision.  But when I have dozens of options, far more than I could possibly evaluate personally, then how can I know I've selected the right books, resources, curricula?

I know that many homeschooling mothers have husbands who help make these decisions and take a strong interest in any selections made.  Himself is not like this; he leaves the vast majority of education decisions up to me.  This is because he trusts my judgment (my friends tell me), and it must be true, because, frankly, he's quite the opinionated guy.  Also, he majored in business.  (Sorry -- I couldn't resist.  Yes, I know business majors work hard, those are legitimate degrees, et cetera.  Please don't send me any hate mail.)

Anyway, Himself leaves homeschooling decisions up to me.  On the positive side, I get to make all the decisions.  On the negative side, I get to make all the decisions.

All of this to say: at least once a year I torture myself with vacillations.  Was I right to do (fill in the blank)?  Are we okay doing that?  Miss Priss will be in fifth grade next year -- that's a big year.  We'll need to up the ante.  But what will that look like in full-color reality?

Honestly, I really don't think I'm alone in this.

And then it hits me.  I'm not alone in this.  God has blessed our home education efforts from the beginning, and He will continue to bless us.  He will be faithful to complete the good work He began.  Although I have never experienced any eye-popping epiphanies, I have felt stirrings inside, nudging me toward one philosophy and away from another.  And when I don't feel much one way or the other, I have always chosen whichever seemed best at the time.  I've made a couple of miscalculations, but those have always been almost immediately apparent to me -- more nudgings.

So we move forward, a little at a time, with me learning to trust more and torture myself less.  Like anything, it's slow going.  But maybe that's the best way to learn.