When Life Interrupts Yours

Dad and Mama, Christmas 2014

So my last post was in September. This, after several years of blogging regularly. I have many good reasons, some of which I'll be writing about in the coming days.

At the top of the list: my sweet dad, who was in precarious health for a few years, reached a crisis point at the end of October, and he passed away on November 21. It's hard to even type that. It's almost impossible to even think it, much less "accept." And it's been almost four months.

My sister, who blogs regularly at Ministry and Motherhood, wrote an amazing (a word I rarely use because it is so patently overused, but in this case it's a good fit) post while Dad was in hospice: Thankful, Tired, and Traumatized. I point you there because it's perfect, written far better than I have words for right now.

I've composed posts in my head, but I can't seem to get them out yet. One day. For now, I re-read Alicia's post, look at the photos, and grieve.

The Perils of Getting Dressed

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A while ago, I posted on Facebook this plaint: “All I want is a white, scoop-neck tee shirt that isn’t see-through. Is that too much to ask?”

Apparently I’m not the only woman my age with such desires because I got a lot of responses. Some suggested stores I’d already checked with no luck; others suggested stores at which I do not typically shop. I checked an online store a friend recommended and found such tees in various colors – including white – and on sale. Shazam.

I’m not a clothes person. I mean, I wear them so I won’t get arrested and also to cover up the awful things time is doing to my body. But I’m not a fashionista, and I don’t like shopping for clothes. All that searching through racks, taking off my clothes in hideously cramped and ill-lit dressing rooms, trying on multiple items that disappoint. . . Yuck.

I don’t like to think about clothes much either. Lately I’ve been drawn to the minimalist wardrobe approach that’s sprung up on the internet. The capsule wardrobe, the 10-piece wardrobe, the French woman’s guide to fashion, etc. And I like the concept behind these as well. Why should I waste my “creative energy” on worrying about what I’m going to wear every day? Who needs the stress?

But these approaches have limitations. For example, I find I want to have more than just a black and white closet, a la française. I don’t do much accessorizing, so rounding out with handbags, headbands, and other colorful accountrements is not my style.

Another issue is that shopping options for women my age are more limited. Places I used to shop, like Old Navy, Gap, etc., don’t suit me anymore. I’m no longer friends with sleeveless tops, for example. And form-fitting maxi dresses don’t flatter my form. After two kids, I’m a little hippy. And low-rider jeans? Don’t get me started.

And even though I don’t have much fashion sense, I do have a budget. So when I peruse fashion/lifestyle blogs for women my (ahem) age for some ideas, I balk at paying 90 bucks for a three-quarter length sleeve tee shirt. Which is the same reason I don’t use those online clothes shopping services where they send you a selection of clothes items picked JUST FOR YOU based on a questionnaire. They’re too pricey.

So if you have no style, a small budget, an even smaller amount of interest in clothes shopping, AND you’re nearing a certain age, you’re pretty much out of luck when it comes to getting dressed and liking what you see in the mirror. It’s basically out of necessity that I’m a jeans and tee or sweater person (although I’ve been known to throw on a scarf for a touch of flair). I’m not completely hopeless.

Frankly, I'd rather spend my money on other things. And if you take one look at me, you'll see that fashion is not my top priority.

Bien Dans Sa Peau at the Beach

My daughters are in the ocean, jumping waves. The water is frigid, just like the ocean at Old Orchard Beach, Maine, at the height of summer. It took them a while to get used to the water, but once they surrendered to its frigidity, they threw themselves in with abandon. Now they are drenched, salty, sandy, and ecstatic. I am certain their lips are blue.

They say that it's more fun to come to the beach with daddy than with me. He gets in the water with them, while I sit on the beach and read. There was a time in my life when I would have been in that water. In fact, I enjoyed the ocean then more than my daughters do now. My sisters and I paddled on our floats, body surfed, searched for fish and shells, and nursed a few jellyfish stings. A small price to pay.

Now I sit in a beach chair with my book, my big white sun hat protecting my face, my sunglasses covering my reading glasses. I must look ludicrous, but I don't care. I am ecstatic myself. The wind and the smell of the salty air and the feel of the velvety sand on my toes, sand that has just recently been underwater, are heavenly.

There is a narrow lookout between the wide brim of my sun hat and the top of my reading glasses.  I watch my girls through that slit. As I read, I look up periodically to check that they are safe. They don't need me as much any more, and there is freedom for all of us in that. I am able to sit and relax and enjoy. They are able to play and splash and run. And we don’t worry too much about what the other is doing.

We do, however, keep our eyes on each other. We look up from time to time to make sure that the other is still there. That's our touchstone, our way to make sure we are where we are supposed to be in the world.

They've come back to the towels to warm themselves in the sun for a bit. They have taken the time to tell me that I look ridiculous, which I know, but I am beyond the point of caring. In fact I’m beyond the age of caring. And it's rather freeing, this not caring very much of the kind of picture one presents to the world. Sometimes I do care. I take care with my appearance and my clothes and my hair and all of that. But at other times I just let it all go and just be myself, who I am in that moment. And the world can keep its critique to itself.

For me, this is one aspect of the French woman’s ideal, to be bien dans sa peau, literally, “well in her skin.” It’s an all-encompassing phrase with many life aspects. But at the moment, I’m well and truly enjoying one of them. And I’m at peace with myself.

The Power and Necessity of Human Touch

“It’s this way,” my dear friend said, smiling over her shoulder at us. Miss Priss and I followed her from the waiting room into a hive of activity. Pedicure clients lined the wall to the left, feet soaking, buffing, sloughing, and toenails filing. To the right were manicure tables and hair stylist chairs, some occupied, others waiting for the next clients. And everywhere students dressed in black moved purposefully, carrying tools of the trade, chatting with clients, mixing mysterious potions, talking with each other, comparing notes.

My friend and the fellow student she’d introduced to us opened a door and instantly everything changed. The hubbub of the cosmetology part of the school disappeared as the door closed behind us. We entered the realm of the aestheticians-in-training. Delicious scents enticed us. Piano music enveloped us. And a sense of calm descended upon us.

Miss Priss and I smiled at each other. We had come for facials.

Within a few moments, we were besmocked and swaddled in blankets atop comfy padded tables, our hair pulled back and protected by towels. By a happy stroke of fortunate timing, Miss Priss and I were the only clients there.

And then the loveliness began.

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We seem to be losing the beauty of human touch in our culture. Too often, touching is seen as a negative, something forced upon us, unwanted, perhaps even violent.

Touching is even discouraged. Teachers can no longer hug their students. Strangers lean away from one another. The fear of misinterpretation immobilizes us.

Human touch has been relegated to Displays of Affection Only. And what a loss. We crave touch. Babies from whom human touch is withheld fail to thrive. Those who live alone wither either in spirit or in body and often in both without the benefit – the benediction – of another’s touch.

This fact comes home to me clearly when I’ve served food to homeless men in a church shelter downtown. Many of them, young and old, squeeze my hand in thanks when they come to the kitchen window for second helpings. They don’t have to. Some just say thank you. Some simply smile. Others, however, reach out and grasp my hand, giving my fingers a light squeeze. For a second we connect and then part, both of us a strengthened by even such brief contact.

My friend says that quite a few of their aesthetics clients are elderly and frail. They often express quiet gratitude to her at the end of their treatments. “Oh, thank you,” they sigh, as she helps them to sit up. She wonders about them. Do they live alone? Are they lonely? Who takes care of them? More importantly, who cares for them?

As I lay quietly on the table and my precious friend’s fingertips lightly skimmed over my skin, it came to my mind that aestheticians are in the enviable position of ministering to others through touch. In a time when so many of us are hampered, hindered by fears, suspicions, and, frankly, the concern of being misunderstood, aestheticians and others in such professions freely give us what we yearn for, what we need: human touch.

To each client they say without words, I acknowledge you as a fellow human being worthy of my time and consideration and compassion. They understand and take seriously the gift they have to impart to others. Their hands bestow a temporary peace. A blessing.

Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/tamaar/3480501471/">Tamara van Molken</a> / <a href="http://foter.com">Foter</a> / <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">CC BY-NC-ND</a>

Whither Thou Goest

July 19th -- He stood outside the bus station, reading emails on his BlackBerry. I pulled up in front of him and rolled down the window. "Hey, handsome. Where ya headed?"

He tossed his bag in the back and climbed in beside me. "Wherever you're going."

Sixteen years ago, we stood in front of family and friends and said pretty much the same thing to each other. Wherever you go, I am going, too.

Sometimes it's been a walk in the park. Sometimes it's been a slog. But we're going together, and that makes me happy.

Hospitality in Absentia: Staging Your House for Showings When It's on the Market

(Hey there! If you are just now popping by, this is the third installment of a sort of series I've written on preparing to sell your house. You might want to read the first two, "Getting Your House Ready to Put on the Market" and "Consider Inexpensive Updates Before Your Put You House on the Market," as well.)

Photo credit

You've deep cleaned and done some updating, and now it's time to think about more refined touches, the little graces and niceties that will elevate your home above the also-rans. Think about these things: comfort, order, cleanliness, warmth. This is the overall sense you want to evoke from the moment prospective buyers walk in your door.

Honestly, most of these touches will appeal to the women buyers more than the husbands. Think about it: wives generally hold more sway in house-buying decisions. Yes, husbands can have strong feelings about yards, drainage, wood rot, termite contracts, roof ages, and the like (which wives are interested in, too), but it's most often the women who have a "feel" for a home. And you want your home to feel right.

You want your house to extend hospitality even when you aren't there.

So, now that you've stored or eliminated a lot of your stuff, you can set the stage in your rooms. And, provided you've done your deep clean, each room will need only a cursory swipe to keep things tidy. Let's take a look at each room type individually and then at a more general checklist.

Bedrooms

Clear off and straighten all dresser/chest of drawer/nightstand tops. Straighten closets (if you haven't already) and close closet doors. Pick up everything off the floor. Make the bed neatly and attractively. (The girls and I hide our sleeping pillows behind our decorative pillow shams and tuck in sheet edges so they don't hang below the coverlets. I allow the girls to set out a few chosen stuffed animals.) Take out the trash. Open any shades, blinds, or curtains. Turn on a lamp or two and set the ceiling fan on low.

Bathrooms

Wipe down counters and shine faucets and mirrors. A microfiber cloth works wonders for this task. Swish the toilets and wipe down. Close toilet lids. Refill the tissue paper roll, if necessary. Check the floors and sweep or wipe if you need to. Clear off counters. If you have special lighting, you may want to leave it on. I tend not to leave bathroom lights on for showings because they have a tendency to heat up the bathrooms. Remove all used linens and trash.

Kitchen

Buyers will give your kitchen a lot of attention, so be extra careful here. Put all dishes away. Either hand wash any dirty dishes or put them in the dishwasher and run it. I do this immediately after cooking or eating just to keep on top of things. Clear off the counter tops and wipe. Do the floors need a quick sweep? Turn on any accent lights buyers may not notice on their own, such as under-cabinet lighting. Set the table with pretty placemats and perhaps a centerpiece if you have one. I have a lovely piece of crockery in the center of our breakfast table. Consider a vase of flowers if you're expecting several showings within a day or two. If not, skip it. Droopy flowers that have been out too long don't set the right mood, do they?

Family Room/Living Room

If you have pets, roll the furniture with an adhesive roller to get rid of pet hair. Or use sheets to cover the upholstery for everyday use, which you can whisk off and hide away for showings. Clear any clutter, and dust and vacuum as needed. We keep all remotes in a bowl on the coffee table. We also close the armoire doors to hide the TV. Leave on one or two lamps and set any ceiling fans to low.

Dining Room

Cover your table with a nice table cloth to protect its finish. Dust, vacuum, and/or sweep as necessary. If your dining room is near the front door, this is a good place to set out all flyers and house information. Set out small bottles of water and treats for prospective buyers and agents. My go-to treat: Dove chocolates. Think small and individually wrapped.

Study

Our study can be a real mess, and I worked hard to get it organized and tidy. Before every showing, I put all papers away in my desk drawers. I file items immediately so they don't pile up. I make sure the desktop is clear and dust-free. I turn off the computer monitor, too.

Here are more tips for all around the house:

• Leave some lights on, like lamps and accent lights. If a showing is after dark, leave on more lights.
• Turn the AC down a bit in summer and the heat up a bit in winter, so your home feels comfortable. 
• Burn a couple of nice scented candles for an hour or so before the showing. Just remember to blow them out before you leave! We use citrus-scented ones. Bath & Body Works room spray is good, too. Just go easy. And select scents like lemon or spice; avoid like the plague flowery, perfume-y scents; they are headaches waiting to happen.
• Make sure to hide all dirty laundry. I just put everything in the washer. If there's enough for a load, I run it. Which brings me to...
• Wash clothes and fold every day. I wash in the evenings and toss in the dryer before bedtime. In the morning, I fold everything and put it all away before I even go downstairs.
• Take out all trash, especially bathroom and kitchen garbage.
• When you leave, take pets with you, if at all possible. I've looked at houses where the sellers put notes on doors: "Please don't let cat out!" Talk about too much responsibility. As for dogs, as a last resort, crate your pooch; however, it's always best to take him with you. What if he barks inhospitably during the entire showing? That will most definitely create a negative impression. Jasper and Georgette have gone on a lot of car rides lately, which they love to do.
• Create a take-home flyer about your house and neighborhood. Yes, your agent will create a flyer with photos and information, but your flyer will be more personal. One I saw recently was titled, "Why We Love Our House." I created a flyer for our house and uploaded an example of it to Scribd; feel free to use it as a template or just to glean a few ideas.

Before each showing, check each room to make sure it conveys order, cleanliness, warmth, and comfort.

When your house is on the market, prospective buyers walk through your house and imagine living there with their own family. Your house becomes more of a stage setting than a home where people actually live. No one wants to view a house that has dog hair on the furniture, crumbs on the kitchen counters, trash in the garbage cans, or hair in the bathroom sink. Blech.

Having your home on the market is stressful, so take some time in the beginning to do your prep work, and make things easier on yourself when your house is active. Yes, this is a lot of work. I know it is; I've done it three times now. But it is SO worth it. In the two and a half weeks our house was active, we received several offers and are now under contract. And we got great feedback from all the agents who showed our house.

If you follow the same steps I did, your house will stand out from the rest -- in a good way.

Let me know how it goes!

Consider Inexpensive Updates Before You Put Your House on the Market

If you run a Google search looking for tips on getting your house ready to sell, you just might get overwhelmed. Many articles' tips are pretty expensive. Repaint the entire house? Install hardwoods? I think not.

Really, you don't need to spend gobs of money. Nor do you need to hire a staging professional with a professional fee. Good news, right?

In my last post, I talked about getting your house ready to show. These were the practical matters: clearing out, storing away, spiffing up, and cleaning everywhere. Once you've done that, look around to see what little things you could do to give your home an updated look or a warmer, cozier feel.

Here are some ideas that won't break the bank:

Hardware. If your cabinet and drawer pulls are outdated, think about replacing them. And, although you can spend a lot of money here if you want to, you don't have to. There are plenty of inexpensive options. The same goes for switch plates and electrical outlet plates.

Bathmats and hand towels. You can easily freshen up the look of your bathrooms by changing out the bathmats and hand towels. I have "show towels" that no one is allowed to use. They only make an appearance when we have showings, and they always look plush and fresh.

Welcome mats. I really liked my old welcome mat. It featured the London Underground symbol and the warning, "Mind the Gap." But I'd had it for a few years, and it was looking drab and worn. A quick trip to Target and I had a new cheerful welcome mat.

Dishtowels. I bought a set of pretty green and cream dishtowels at TJ Maxx that hang on the oven door. I do NOT use them on my dishes; they are for looks only. You may opt for a decorative dish towel that's more of an accessory than a utilitarian item.

Accent pillows. These can cozy up a room as well as kick things up a notch. In real life, I'm not an accent pillow kind of girl. They just get in the way. But they look good. If you like the idea, hit stores like Tuesday Morning, TJ Maxx, or Target for a few inexpensive pillows for your bedrooms, family room, or living room. Or all three.

Throw rugs. See above. Indoor/outdoor rugs are not very expensive at all. I bought one several years ago to use in our foyer, but recently I had the inspiration to move it into the kitchen. It fits perfectly and looks fabulous. You can also put one on your deck or patio to liven things up.

Houseplants. There's just something about houseplants. I have three golden pothos plants: one is on a plant stand in the master bath, the other is on a table in the hall, and the third is just clippings from the other two in a vase of water, which sits on my desk in the family room. I also have two small orchids on my kitchen window sill. If you have pets, be careful with houseplants; many are toxic to dogs and cats, even my pothos. I am vigilant about keeping my plants out of my dogs' reach.

New bedding. You can find comforter sets at great prices at some of the discount stores, like Tuesday Morning, Old Time Pottery, TJ Maxx, Marshall's, and even Wal-Mart and Target. Another option is to invest in a new quilt or throw to fold across the bottom of the bed.

Placemats. These add oomph without a high price tag. You can also splurge and buy coordinating cloth napkins. Fan them out with a napkin ring and lay atop the placemats.

Accessory mix-up. Maybe you don't need to spend any money; you simply need to look at your possessions in a new light. Just because my cut crystal vase has lived in my china cabinet for years doesn't mean it can't find a new address. I can fill it with flowers (hydrangeas from my yard?) and set it on top of my piano for a fresh look.

Light fixtures. We replaced the light fixtures above our bathroom sinks in the master bath with inexpensive fixtures from Home Depot. If replacement isn't in your budget or your inclination, consider paint. In our second house, I painted the breakfast room chandelier black. In this house, I painted the brassy powder room fixture black and replaced the sconces. It looks great!

Bathroom grout. Honestly, I scrubbed and Tilexed the grout in the master bath shower a multitude of times, but it stayed dingy and gray in places. Turns out it's stained. If this is the case in your bathrooms, get yourself some grout paint pens. They come in a variety of colors, so you can pick the one that matches your grout. Or pick another color and redo the whole thing. I was dreading this project because I thought it would be tedious and time-consuming. While it wasn't the funnest thing I've ever done, the pens are easy to use and make quick work of it. And the grout looks so much better!

These are just a few quick and easy ideas to help you freshen up the look of your home before you list it for sale. In my next post, I'll talk about staging your home for an actual showing.

What little things have you done to your house before selling it? Leave a comment to spread the word!

Getting Your House Ready to Put on the Market

Since I've done this very thing recently (and also in the past), I thought I'd share some of my thoughts and tips on getting your house ready to sell.

Have no illusions: this is a big job. But it's also crucial. How your house looks to prospective buyers has a major impact on how quickly it will sell. Why? Because, frankly, most buyers have no imagination. They lack the power to see around your stuff to what the house actually looks like or might look like with a little spiffing up.

Essentially, you need to make your house look like no one lives there while all the time living there with your family and pets. This is no small feat but it's not impossible, either. Use these tips to help you plan your strategy.

Examine your house with a critical eye.

What are its high points? Emphasize those. What are its detriments? Eliminate or downplay those. For example, our deck was in awful shape, and we knew it'd be a big black mark against our house. So we bit the bullet and had a new, larger deck built. It looks fantastic. We also had some landscaping done to make our backyard more useful and attractive. And we hired a handyman to make some repairs.

Start with a major clean out.

This takes the most time and energy. The object is to clear out as much as possible by donating or trashing non-essentials and boxing up other things you can do without for a few weeks. Moving boxes aren't cheap, so look around for used ones if you can. I found free moving boxes on Craigslist and made the drive to pick them up.

Pick a place to start and hop to it. It will seem like an insurmountable task -- at least it did to me -- but I lived through it and so can you.

We started with our bedrooms and the playroom. The girls and I went through all their clothes and possessions and sorted them into three types: keep, donate, trash. As we sorted, we bagged up all trash and donate items. The donation bags we loaded into our minivan. We boxed up as much of the keepers as we could: winter clothes, toys, knickknacks, special possessions, books.

In the bathrooms, clean out all cabinets, drawers, and linen closets. Put down new shelf liner. Box up extra towels, sheets, and blankets. Get rid of old toiletries and medications. (I was amazed at how many hair products languished in my cabinet! Now that I'm on my new curly girl routine, I don't need these any more.) Then neatly rearrange what remains.

In the kitchen, ruthlessly edit the pantry and cabinets. I boxed up some things, threw away others, and recycled hundreds of plastic food storage containers. (Okay, maybe not hundreds, but it seemed like it.) Consider boxing or hiding away small appliances, like toaster ovens, slow cookers, blenders, etc. Keep your countertops clear. In my kitchen, the Red Steel Beauty still enjoys pride of place on my counter, of course, as does the coffee maker.

Minimize your personal decorative items, including framed photos and even books. You don't want your rooms to look vacated and naked, but you don't want your personal tastes to overwhelm unimaginative prospective buyers, either.

Put things in storage.

What do you do with all these boxes?  Rent a storage compartment at a nearby facility. You do not want to leave heaps of boxes all over the place while you're house is on the market. Not even in the garage.

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Store extra furniture so your rooms will look uncluttered and spacious. We removed a rocker and ottoman and a chest of drawers from Tiny Girls' room, and a bookshelf and desk from Miss Priss's room. We took out a leaf from our dining room table and stored two of the eight chairs.

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Deep clean.

After you've cleared out, it's time to really clean. Polish all doors and baseboards. Clean the top of the fridge. Wash the walls where it's needed. Magic Erasers will be your new best friend. Clean the windows. Vacuum thoroughly and consider cleaning the carpets. Scrub tile floors til they're sparkling. Clean out the fireplace. Eliminate all cobwebs. Dust light fixtures. Sweep. Mop.

Clean the carpets. You can easily rent a machine to do this yourself. Or you can buy your own for a decent price these days. To make it even more affordable, see if a friend or two would like to share in the purchase. Most people would only use a carpet cleaning machine once a year, so sharing one is a viable option.

Once you get everything just so, it's easy to keep the place clean. Sweep regularly, wipe down counters, shine faucets and mirrors with a microfiber cloth. Swish the toilets. Spray a cloth with furniture polish and dust quickly every day. That way, you're good to go when an agent calls and asks, "Can I show your home in the next hour?"

Spiff up.

Do you baseboards need a little touch-up painting? Ours did. I used a small sponge "brush" for that. What about wall dings? A little spackle, some sandpaper, and a touch of paint will do the trick. Could you replace any outdated light fixtures? We did in our master bathroom.

Photo credit

Think about curb appeal.

How does your house look from the street? Aim for an inviting and welcoming entrance. I bought two ferns and set them on our front stoop. I also potted some petunias and set the pot on an old ladderback chair. I pruned all our Knock-Out rosebushes and ruthlessly weeded our flowerbeds. Plant some colorful annuals. The lantana and verbena from last year came back, so I didn't have to plant anything new. Wash and re-caulk (if necessary) your front door and its surrounds. Our red door looked good after a cleaning, but we decided to re-paint its surrounding woodwork. Buy a new welcome mat and hang a pretty wreath on the front door.

In my next post, I'll talk about inexpensive touches you can add to update or warm up your home. Really, you don't have to spend a lot to make a big impact. There are several things you can do to show your home in the best possible light and make a favorable impression on prospective buyers. Think about it: even in a fast market, you are competing against other homes on the market, so start strong and stay strong.

Giving Up on My Hair

If you know me IRL, then you know my hair. It is curly and it is red. According to one friend, she can always find me in the crowd at church, thanks to my hair. The color part gets help these days as I approach "a certain age," but I will not go gentle into that particular good night.

Several years ago, I wouldn't go gentle into the curly night, either. When Himself and I met, I used the round-brush technique to dry my hair. Every. Single. Day. Since I have a lot of hair, this took a considerable amount of time. As well as a toll on my hair. But I was committed to straight hair.

On a camping trip during this same period, I decided to let my hair dry by itself after I'd showered. A friend was amazed. "I didn't know you had curly hair!" she exclaimed. I guess I shocked her. Really, curly hair can be a bit startling, especially if you're not expecting it.

However, not long after Miss Priss was born, I gave up straightening my hair. Shocking, eh? I know, but I was busy with other things. I didn't have the time to mess with it.

But I didn't give up messing with it entirely. Over the years, I sometimes dried it with a blow dryer and then put it in hot rollers in an attempt to control my curls. Other times I wore it short. I've coated it with gels, pomades, de-frizzers, curling balms, pomades, etc.

The thing is, everyone in my family of origin has curly hair to varying degrees except my mama, whose hair is stick straight (and she has kept it permed for decades). And we've all messed with it. Curly hair is versatile, since you can wear it straight, wavy, or curly, depending on how much time and effort you feel like investing in your hairdo.

But I recently had a revelation. I came upon Lorraine Massey's book, Curly Girl, at a used bookstore, and I bought it. Massey has a interesting viewpoint: stop fighting your curls and just go with it. Oh, and ditch the shampoo. According to Massey, shampoo is awful for curly hair. There's a difference between cleaning one's scalp and cleaning one's hair; and curly hair requires a different method than straight hair due to its molecular structure and moisture needs.

So I've been trying it. I've shampooed once in two weeks so far, and I concentrated on my scalp only. It's taking my scalp a while to get used to no shampoo. But I can already see some benefits -- at least, enough for me to continue with the experiment. Here's a recent photo of me (well, mostly my hair). (Thanks to Tiny Girl for her photographic expertise):

In the interest of truth in journalism, I used a dryer with a diffuser to finish things off, a method of which Massey approves.

Before the experiment, I only washed my hair about twice a week anyway, and I may eventually return to that method. I'll have to wait and see.

What I won't return to, however, is fighting my curly hair into submission. As Popeye used to say (and probably still does), "I yam what I yam."

Why I Love Sunday Afternoons

The house is quiet. Everyone is gone. Since no one thought to leave Mama a note, I'm assuming the kids went with Himself to watch his afternoon hockey game while I was napping.

My Sunday afternoon siesta is a tradition that everyone understands except Himself. There are two kinds of people in the world: those who nap and those who don't. Nappers don't tend to look askance at non-nappers, but the reverse is not always true. Himself has known me for almost two decades, yet he still sometimes gapes at me when I announce it's time for my Sunday afternoon indulgence.

It is a day of rest, after all.

Lunch after church tends to be a simple affair: sandwiches, leftovers, fried chicken from the grocery deli. Sometimes we go out, but not often. After we change out of our church clothes, the girls call friends to play. Later, either Himself or I take Tiny Girl to the barn for a practice ride. I also read. I plan our upcoming week.

And I always, always, make time for a nap. A serious nap complete with eye mask, ear plugs, and comfy covers.I crawl into bed with a happy heart.

Today it's rainy, so no trip to the barn. As much as I love the ponies and watching Tiny ride and everything else, I'm glad to stay home today.

Sometimes it's just nice to be instead of do.





Photo credit: Alyssa L. Miller / Foter.com / CC BY

A New Gig: Back to Work

Yes, I'm back to work. Although it's not like I've been sitting around eating bon-bons or anything. I'm a homeschooling mother and wife with two active adolescents. We have two ponies, for Pete's sake.

And yes, I've wanted to pursue work that will add to the family coffers. (Did you get the part about the TWO ponies above? Not to mention the two adolescents? The college-bound part was implied.)

In the past several months, I've had the privilege of editing three historical novels for older children; and I'd love to continue these types of projects, particularly in the homeschool arena. I've written articles, one for The Old Schoolhouse magazine, and the other for Impart magazine. I don't do this type of work for the income. Although I earn money for some projects, many of these I consider a lay ministry.

And then this opportunity landed in my lap: ghostwriter. Some friends of mine have a company that provides all types of marketing services for businesses, and I'm now one of their content writers. Basically, I write content for email newsletters, websites, and blogs.

I'm excited about it. I'm also aware that I need to carve out and maintain distinct boundaries between work and school. Before now, I was able to wing it, since I only wrote for two clients. But we just added two new clients to my list, and the heat is on. My first priority is the girls' education. However, close behind is the necessity to turn out quality work for our clients. To do both and do them well, I need to make some changes:

• Plan, plan, plan. I'm fairly good and making a plan and sticking with it for our lessons. However, I've left my writing pursuits to chance, meaning I have them all up here in my brain. Scary! So I'm developing a calendar for blogging AND professional work.

• Schedule. I must be diligent about boundaries and not let work cross over into lessons. A schedule will help me do just that. Which leads me to. . . 

• Get up early. In order to be and feel productive, I need to get up earlier. I can attend to work duties in the early morning before the girls arise. That way, I can avoid feeling conflicted, stressed, anxious, and/or pressured.

Those are my ideas. If you have any to share, I'd love to hear them.

Wish me luck!


Photo credit: zen / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

My Article in Impart Magazine: Releasing the Dream of a Normal Life

If you're like me, the idea of a normal life is a teasing, tempting one -- and always just out of reach. Perhaps, though, chasing this particular dream keeps us from living the life we're really meant to live.

I have an article about this very thing in this month's Impart magazine, a particularly lovely digital publication. I hope you'll pop over and have a read. And I'd love to hear your thoughts afterward!

Community Caring in a Tossed Salad

I just finished making a tossed salad and will be taking it to our neighborhood clubhouse inn a few minutes. A family whom I do not know lost their teenage daughter just before Christmas. More than a year ago, she was hit by a car while crossing a busy intersection. She was at fault, but somehow that simply didn;t matter as she lay in a coma for weeks after ward and then woke up to a frightening a shocking new world of nonverbal paralysis.

Oh merciful Father in heaven. . . .

Several neighbors made arrangements to take meals to the family when caring for their daughter became a full-time job. When I took a chicken pot pie, I was humbled by the father's quiet gratitude and graciousness. "Homemade chicken pot pie," he said, smiling. "That will be a treat!"

This evening they will say goodbye to their child, they and other family and her many friends. Again, several of us in the neighborhood will provide food for this, their celebration of their daughter's life. As I chopped mushrooms and sliced tomatoes, my heart said all the things that I know I will not be able to say, words that seem meaningless in the chasm left by their beloved.

I'm sorry.

I don't know you, but I grieve for your loss.

Perhaps they will hear those words and the words of other neighbors in the pasta casserole, the chocolate cake, the veggie tray.

Here is our love.

Letting Go of "Normal" Expectations for Life

Do you find that, like me, you tell yourself, Next week, we'll get back to a normal routine? Or After Christmas/New Year's/spring break, etc. we'll get it together? I don't know about your life, but in mine, it just doesn't happen. When I look back at all my weekly reports that begin, "This was a weird week" or "Things didn't go as planned this week," I have to laugh ruefully.

The fact is, it's a weird week when things do go as I expected and planned.

A few weeks ago, I read a post by Mrs. White on her blog, The Legacy of Home. Her words really spoke to me.

Life never lets up.  We often say that tomorrow, or next week, we will fix our routine.  Or when things calm down, we will get back on track. But life will keep throwing us something new to juggle.  The goal is not to wait until things are better, but to do them in the middle of the challenges. 

Well, amen and amen! What a perspective.

I have to admit, friends, that I often let my school plans get derailed by life. That's not to say that I throw in the towel at the first sign of distress; but I have a hard time staying on track in medias res (as per  Greek dramatics).  I lose sight of my short-term goal (as in, lessons to be completed) and find myself backpedaling.

One beauty of homeschooling is, of course, its forgiving flexibility. In times of trouble, illness, and great stress, we can adapt our plans to match our more limited resources. Yet this same flexibility can be a drawback when we continually adapt/rework/put off our school plans due to yet another unexpected event, big or small.

Homeschooling is truly a lifestyle. We educate our children in life, not just schoolwork. They learn -- by watching us -- how to handle the mishaps and unexpected surprises of the everyday. Are we teaching them that upsets have the power to derail our best efforts and plans? Or are we teaching them to roll with it?

As a woman of faith, I want to teach my daughters that God is never surprised by events that spring up, unlooked for, in our day-to-day lives. "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans," said John Lennon. Put another way, life is what happens no matter what our plans.

I can't keep living for the day when things get back to normal. This is normal. We're all living in the now. So the question is, now that I've made that my reality, what am I going to do about it?

• Take a hard look at our daily schedule and how we spend our time. Are the girls wasting time? (Yes.) Am I? (Ditto.)
• Make more intentional decisions about how we spend the time we have. Can we better use our evenings? Does Tiny Girl have to be at the barn early in the afternoon or could she go later?
• Make room for more flexibility when needed. Could we stretch out the readings on this or that book without getting so behind we'll still be reading it this July?

That's where I'm going to start. Once I get going,I may discover other ways I can ensure that my lesson plans don't get flung into hiatus when life happens.

What about you? Have you found ways to absorb the unexpected in your day-to-day living? If so, I'd love to hear about it!

My Raison d'Etre

Or at least one of them. Don't you just love C.S. Lewis's turn of the phrase?

Source: instagr.am via Stephanie on Pinterest

Living with Migraines

I knew it was inevitable that at least one of our children would fall victim to migraine headaches. I suffer from them, as does Himself, both my parents, and Himself's mother. Talk about a stacked-against-you gene pool.

This past year was the year of the migraine for Miss Priss. She's had a few, some with vomiting and some without. Some with weird eye issues, such as flashing light or focus problems, some without. Thankfully, basic Tylenol is effective. But first she had to master swallowing pills. Here's what works for us: I bite them into small pieces for her. Just another thing mamas do.

This morning when she told me her right eye was flashing, we knew what to expect. But the Tylenol didn't take effect quickly enough. Lying down made her head hurt worse, so she propped up on pillows, nauseated. Eventually she came downstairs to sit on the couch. Then she fell asleep. When she awoke, she felt much better but is still taking it easy for the rest of the day.

Oh, that it would always be that way. It's hard enough to see her suffer now, to wring wet, cool cloths for her forehead -- an ultimately useless but still somewhat comforting measure. What breaks my heart is that the headaches are sure to get worse. Mine did. Her dad's did. We just don't know exactly how the headaches will affect her.

Himself has about one BIG classic migraine per year. He has Imitrex injections for those. Mine are (were) different; I lived with daily headaches. A couple of times per month I'd have big headaches, but mostly I just had minor headaches every. Single. Day. I tried several kinds of meds. For the Big Ones, I used Imitrex 100 mg.

Finally, about a year and a half ago, I tried a daily SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) commonly used to treat depression. These have been found to be successful in some headache suppression. It works for me. Now I have only a mild headache a few times a month, treatable with Tylenol, and a breakthrough moderate headache a few times per year. What a difference this has made in my day-to-day living!

I know that my nearest forebears were migraine sufferers, and, since migraines tend to be genetic, I'm sure many of my ancestors suffered, too. I can't imagine how they managed. I am thankful we live in an era where we have medicines readily available.

Which makes me think. Perhaps there will be even more fantastic treatments and cures for migraines in the next few decades. Wouldn't that be something?

My (Dis)Organization System

My study, where all our school materials are kept, is a living example of the law of entropy in action.

I clean it out and reorganize everything about two times per year, but it's natural state of being is. . . well, messy. This does not mean I don't know where things are, in a general sort of way. In that stack are the books we're reading now. In that stack are ones to list on Amazon or Paperback Swap. And in that stack are books the girls have read but can't part with. Oh, and these books are ones to read later.

There are also craft supplies and art projects in various states of completion. And the girls' other stuff, too.

Why are these stacks all over the floor, you ask? Well, because the shelves are full. Duh.

And my desk. These are bills to pay. These are materials I'm reviewing for a curriculum website. These are two catalogs I must look over. Here are some printouts for the girls. And here's a menu from a restaurant I'm reviewing for TripAdvisor. And these brochures are for a future blog post. Then there are papers to file.

Notice I didn't mention the Oreos.

I can hear (some of) you now. Why doesn't my study (schoolroom, bookshelves, floor, et al) resemble those we see on other home ed bloggers' sites? Surely this is a a hazard to our home education lifestyle? Or perhaps even a character flaw? Believe me, I've wondered the same thing at one time or another.

So why the full disclosure?

Well, my guess is that there are quite a few of you out there who might also have a bit of clutter in your lives. And it might not be your preference, but in this season of your life, it's just the way it is.

I've decided to be okay with that. True, I'd prefer things to be tidier at home, but a rich life is my top priority. We are busy with educational pursuits, outside activities, church events, and other things. We read a lot. I write. As far as household management goes, we stay on top of laundry. Dishes are washed and put away. The family is well nourished. The bills get paid. Everything else gets done when we can do it.

We are blessed.

Where Are Your Manners?

Or: "Were you raised in a barn?"

Look around you. It's sweeping the nation, this new epidemic called bad manners.

I could go on for days about this, since it's a particular peeve of mine. Instead, I offer you this: a marvelous review by Tricia over on the Curriculum Choice site, wherein she tells us of two fabulous resources, Manners Made Easy and Manners Made Easy for Teens, both by June Hines Moore.

You might also chuckle over Bernard Salt's lament, which I found both entertaining and true.

Thank you for reading my blog!

And thank you for waving in acknowledgement when I let your car out in front of mine whilst we're embroiled in traffic.

An Installment from Tiny Girl

Tiny Girl found this wonderful short video on YouTube, and she asked me to share it with our blog friends.  It's a little glimpse into her heart and life. Here 'tis:

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Photo courtesy Foter.com.

I love to sleep. I could happily sleep until mid-morning and then indulge in siesta that afternoon. My penchant for sleep is one arena in which Himself and I completely differ. After 15 years of marriage, he still manages to look astounded when I announce I’m going to take a Sunday afternoon nap. To him, it’s a waste of time. To me, it's anything but.

I get a lot of thinking done when I’m dozing, in that twilight time between awake and asleep. I make plans. I consider decorating ideas. I plot books I might one day write. I percolate. As an introvert, I consider this time well spent.

But the percolating is merely a nice by-product. My end goal is rest, and I’m serious about it.

When I turned forty (we won’t discuss when that actually occurred), my neighbor, who is older, asked knowingly, “How’s your sleep?” Not good, I had to admit. And for someone like me, this was a crisis situation. She nodded. Turns out, when she turned forty, her sleep changed, and not for the better. Sleep, or the lack of it, is a hot topic of conversation for friends my age.

I set about trying to remedy my difficulty, and over the last few years, I discovered a few things that have worked for me. Just in case good sleep is eluding you, I’m happy to share these ideas. I’ve even come up with a really catchy title:

Ellen’s Tips for a Good Night’s Sleep

• No caffeine after 3:00 PM. Chocolate, of course, is excepted. If you are susceptible to blood sugar rises and dips, then consider avoiding sugar after 3:00 as well.
• A cool room. When it’s too warm, good sleep is impossible. When I’m in the land of constant air conditioning, I turn on my ceiling fan when it’s time to sleep, since I can’t lower the thermostat (unless I want a hefty electric bill, which I don’t).
• Darkness. I use a sleep mask. I’ve tried several, and the best I’ve happened upon is made by Earth Therapeutics. It’s larger than most, generously padded, and features an adjustable headband with Velcro. This is much more comfortable than trying to rest with a big knot at the back of your head.
• Quiet. I’m a light sleeper, so noises interrupt my rest. In college (dorm life is loud), I slept with a small fan for white noise, and sometimes I still do. But for about a year now, I’ve used soft foam ear plugs. Bliss!
• Pillows. The right pillow is essential. It took me a few years to find just the right one. It's a firm feather pillow that I inherited from the family from whom we bought our cabin. What good fortune! I also sleep with a body pillow, which I acquired when I was expecting Miss Priss.

Some people swear by scents such as lavender, but these aren't crucial for me. You may want to try some aromatherapy to see how it works for you.

What sleep tricks and techniques do you use? I'd love to hear about them.

Sweet dreams!