Wednesday, April 18, 2012

In the Gray Light of Dawn

Day three of my rising much earlier than the girls. I wonder how long it will last. I have good intentions, but you know where those lead.

To carve out time for myself and my own pursuits -- writing and reading -- I've finally succumbed to the obvious: I have to get up earlier and get these done before our day begins. Otherwise, there's no time. When there's no time, I don't attend to my own needs for creativity. After several weeks of this, I get fretful.

So I've given myself a new direction. I wake early, before anyone else. I make coffee in the semi-darkness of my kitchen. I watch the birds at the feeders in the gray light. I tap the keys on the computer keyboard. I accomplish something, even if that something is only first-draft quality. At least it's something. Far better than nothing.

And I find I breathe easier throughout the day.

Let me hasten to add I am of the mindset that the overall idea of "me-time" can be a dangerous one. (This fabulous article by Amy Roberts convinced me even further. Have a read.) We must constantly be on guard that we are not falling for what the world insists we need.

However, we are all given gifts and talents to use to build the church, encourage others, and give glory to God. My personal experience is this: if I neglect those gifts, I feel a heaviness in my spirit that I can't ignore. Perhaps you've felt the same in areas of your life. I've finally come to realize that this heaviness has a much deeper meaning than merely my own selfish needs not being met (my previous thought process).

So I sit at my desk, planning, thinking, moving words around in my head, gauging how they feel. I sip fresh-brewed coffee -- Krispy Kreme's Signature House Blend, a gift from Himself -- and listen to the birdsong and the rainfall. I pray that God will use this time, use me, to bring Him glory, whatever that may look like in His perfect plan.


  1. What an interesting post (and link). I've always needed some time for my own thinking and pursuits since we became parents many years ago, and luckily my husband completely encourages me. But I've also constantly been surprised by the number of people who tell me that I need more time, and also that my husband and I "must" have more time together alone. Some women I know think it's completely bizarre that we've never gone off for a weekend together without children. But I think, "This is a cultural norm of this time and place - my grandmother would never have said such a thing to me!"

    I know that in a few years I will have more me / us time, and like the author of the article you link to, I try to appreciate each day of being with my family and my children because it is truly precious.

    I hope you can get into a good balance for yourself and your family. Rising early has never worked well for me, so I admire you! Toni Morrison worked full time and wrote novels in the wee hours...

  2. Good for you! Having a bit of quiet time and some writing at predawn always does me such good! I agree - just a little tapping and a 1st draft. Thoughts are there! Yes, "Far better than nothing."


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